From the Heart

Show them your joy, show them the love of God. And when they look at you, help them to see God.

Name:

Me...I am so full of contradictions it isn't even funny! I am loud, but love being alone where it is quiet. I am outgoing...but am shy in large groups. I hate coming off like I know everthing, but I love to be in charge. I feel so deeply that sometimes it hurts, but I hate showing my emotions. I am who I am because Christ lives in me (flashback from Capernwray I know). My weaknesses are made perfect in Christ and I love that because I don't have to be as strong as I think I have to be. I enjoy being me :-)

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Married Life...I love it!

Well, as of yesterday I have been married for 1 month! I am so surprised at how time has flown since we got married. We had a wonderful honeymoon, we went to Cannon Beach where we spent five wonderful days playing newlyweds and tourists :-) After the honeymoon we came home and started to set up our new apartment. Our apartment is so cute! We have a two bedroom, two bath apartment with a gorgeous view of Mt. Hood. The colors of our apartment vary a little from room to room. Our bedroom/bath is dark chocolate brown and cream with deep maroon accents. Our living room is dark woods with a tan colored sofa and our dinning room/kitchen is red and black. I LOVE IT :-) We have been working hard this last month to get our apartment to feel like a home and its coming together nicely. Maybe if I get motivated I will take pics and post them.

So far in our marriage we haven't hit any major major major roadblocks. We have had a few little tiny arguments that we will chalk up to learning how to live together. I think one of the biggest things that both of us has had to adjust to is sleeping together. At this point I am not talking about sex, I am talking about actual sleep. For those of you who have slept in the same room as me, you know I snore and grind my teeth. Well Jacob is a light sleeper who due to his job has to go to bed hours before me. I feel bad when I snore and grind my teeth because it wakes him up and we have both had to learn how to deal with that. Most of the time he will just tap me and tell me to turn on my side and sometimes he just silently suffers. And he likes to hog the covers and the bed. Sometimes I poke him and try to get him to move, but most of the time I just tug at the covers and snuggle close to him.

I think the biggest area that both of us have had a hard time adjusting to is sex. And don't worry, I am not going to get graphic or anything, but I am going to share some things that I have learned. The number one thing that I have learned about sex is that it is one of the most beautiful ways of expressing your love...if saved for marriage. Jacob and I struggled in this area, we never had sex but there were many times where we found ourselves crossing boundries that we should not have crossed. I am not proud of this at all and have had to ask forgivness from God about it, but I have to tell you that no matter how hard you struggle in this area, sex is for marriage only! And if done within the boundries set by God, it is a magical experience!

Something else that I learned about sex is that a book on sex is important. It seems like in the Christian community sex is a taboo subject. My parents did a great job about being open about sex and going into my marriage I was not afraid of the intimate part of marriage. Maybe part of the reason I feel like a book on sex is important is because while I was in new territory regarding sex, Jacob, well he was experienced. One of the things that I learned early on in our marriage (haha, like we have been married for so long!) is that talking to your husband about sex can be very embarrassing and makes you very very very vulnerable. But a book on sex makes it that both of you are on the same page (haha, that was funny too...okay so I am easily amused) and it makes it so that you can joke about it and talk about it and learn about each other and deepen your relationship because of it. One of the most important things that we did before we bought the book was talk about what we wanted the book to be about and what kind of things did I want to get out of the book (since in our case the book was mostly for my benefit). Then we went to Borders, looked through their sex book section and found a book. Just a note, they had a great section of Christian books about sex. Anyway...as we have read through the book together, we have been able to talk about things and discover new things about ourselves. So, with all that said, if and when you get married get a book about sex and read it together. I think that it will draw you closer together and it will help to be open with each other about what you like, don't like and all of that stuff.

Okay...enough about sex. I am sorry if I have offended anyone about the sex part of my post, but I think it is so important that you and your spouse (or even future spouse if you are engaged or going to become engaged) to talk about sex and your expectations and all that. Sex is major part of your relationship with your spouse and it can either draw you together or push you apart if you aren't open about it. Be open and ALWAYS keep God in the center of your relationship.

Anyway...all in all, I love being married, especially to Jacob! Hopefully I can post more often. Pics of my wedding will soon be available to the public on the internet. If you would like to see the pics, please email me at: DeGrawK@hotmail.com and I will be happy to send you the link and information about the pics.

Luvs!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Love...

For those of you who don't know...I am getting married tomorrow. You may wonder, am I nervous, excited, anxious or scared...the answer to that is ALL OF THE ABOVE. Its the same kind of feeling I had when I left for Capernwray. I cannot wait to start this new chapter in my life but at the same time I am leaving my family and all the familiar things that I am comfortable with. Its not like I am moving far away or anything...just to a different town, but I will be living with a boy! I know that sounds funny, but I don't have brothers and the only male I have lived with has been my dad. It kind of creeps me out. But I am excited to live with Jacob. Things may be weird for awhile but we will get the hang of this relationship called marriage.

Things leading up to the wedding have been chaos. My grandfather died on August 28th and my dad has had to deal with all of the arrangements and due to honeymoon plans I wont be able to go to the memorial...I am sad about that. On that same day we discovered that our caterer quit. Thats right, he QUIT! Long long story and if you want the details you can email me and ask for them. We did get a replacement caterer, but I am worried that the reception wont be as good as it would have been with the first one. Oh well...when God hands you lemons, you learn to lean on Him for lemonade :-)

The rehersal and dinner were last night. It made the reality of this upcoming marriage even more real. Its not that I don't want to marry Jacob, because I do, but its that it only seems like a few weeks ago that we began to date.

Okay...sorry to cut this short but out of state family just arrived and I must go. Email me!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

My favorite quote of the Fourth of July Holiday:

Jaocb: "Look Honey, we made Fireworks!"(said after Jacob gave me a very long and nice kiss while standing in his sister's apartment and someone had started setting off fireworks just as we ended the kiss).

Friday, June 30, 2006

Warning Long Updated Post about my Wedding!

I have been asked to post an update on the wedding and things, so here it is :-)

So I have been engaged now for about 3 months now and we have about another 2 ½ left to go! Time seems to be flying by when it comes to making plans and getting things ready for the wedding, but it also seems to drag on when I think about being ready to be in a marriage with Jacob. I am so ready to marry this man and I cannot wait to start my life with him!

The Engagement:
About 6 weeks after we became engaged Jacob proposed for ‘real’ and it was such a romantic evening! He took me to one of the nicest restaurants in Portland, called the Portland City Grill. It is located in the tallest building in Portland and has a gorgeous view of the city and river. Before that night I had asked him if he could get a seat by the window so we could enjoy the view. He said he had called but was unable to get a window seat and even though I was disappointed, I was happy to be going on a ‘nice date’ with him. He picked me up on a very beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon. I was all dressed up in a little black number I own and he was dressed in suit and tie. We drove to the restaurant and enjoyed our time together. When we got to the restaurant I was happy to discover that Jacob had lied to me and we DID have a beautiful window seat to watch the city and river! After dinner we had time to kill before the next thing we were going to do so he drove me up to the Portland Rose Gardens and we walked around. I was so sure that he wasn’t going to propose (with the ring and everything), so I just enjoyed our time together. We decided to go and sit on a bench in the middle of the gardens and just talked. While we were sitting there, a group of people had gathered to have a surprise party for someone and I was watching them as the lady walked up and the group all yelled “Surprise” and then Jacob turned to me and said, “Well, I have a surprise for you Kristy (and at this point I turn back to him and he has the ring box out and open!), will you marry me?” Oh my gosh! I was totally surprised and I hid my face in his shoulder and then said, “Yes, yes I will marry you!” and then we kissed and then I looked at him and said, “Can I look at my ring now?” :-) He laughed and put the ring on my finger. It is so GORGEOUS!!!!!! My ring is platinum, with one huge center diamond, two diamonds on either side of the center diamond that are a little smaller than the center diamond and then five tiny diamonds on either side of the smaller side diamonds. Lets just say that I now have official BLING :-) After the most romantic proposal, he took me to the Oregon Symphony because they were performing one of Jacob’s absolute favorite movements of Mozart’s. Afterwards went back to my parent’s house and I got to show off the ring :-) All in all, I would not change a single thing about our engagement!

The Wedding Details:
So, we are getting married on September 9, 2006 at 7pm at The Crown Ballroom in Portland. If you would like to check out the place go to
www.TheCrownBallroom.com. It is a beautiful place and it was “the place”, you know, I knew the moment I walked in that I wanted to get married there. I already have my dress and I would describe it but I don’t want it to get back to Jacob. However, when we get pics I will be sure to post some. I am having 4 attendents. Mary (my matron of honor, she will be 7 ½ months pregnant at the wedding), my sister Amy (bride’s matron, she will be 8 months pregnant at the wedding), my sister Katy (bride’s maid), and my sister Lacey (bride’s matron). Jacob has four groomsman to go along with my attendants, as well as having my nephew as the ring bearer (he will be almost 2yrs old at the time). We will have two candlelighters, but no flower girls. My colors are: Black, Pink (all shades) and Silver. We are only having a dessert reception due to the fact that neither Jacob nor myself enjoying standing in front of people or being the center of attention for long periods of time. We will have 3-5 different types of desserts, plus the cake. There will be lots of dancing and fun though :-) Our pastor has assured us that our ceremony will be no longer than 25 minutes, which I am so glad about! We have only invited 200 people due to space limits and Kristy’s fear of standing in front of hundreds of people! I know that sounds like a lot of people but it is about 150 people less than the weddings of two of my sisters.

My Life:
Right now I am just focusing on work, marriage and God. I am working as a volunteer at a home for pregnant women but will stop that when I get married. I have decided that for myself and the future state of my marriage it would be best to take this first year and really focus on my relationship with Jacob and he is doing the same thing. We both have to learn how to function in this new step we are going to take. Although Jacob has had more experience in this area (no he hasn't been married before, but he has lived with a previous girlfriend, long story) we both need to learn what it means to be “married”. We have no clue as to where we are going to live or things like that, but hey, who needs that when you have love, hehehe! No, seriously we are right in the middle of figuring out how to bring our two lives together. We just got our first joint checking account…ahhhh, freaky! But I am loving every second of it!

Well, if you have made it this far, thanks for listening to me ramble :-) Please drop me a note and I hope that I haven’t bored you!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I have News...

I am Engaged :-) I would like everyone to meet my fiance and best friend, Jacob. Jacob and I have known each other for a pretty long time...since we were 12 to be exact. Although to be honest we probably didn't really become friends until our sophmore or junior year in High School. We kind of lost touch for a year or two after high school, but then started to email each other and have been email for about 8 years or so! When I got back from Capernwray we started to hang out more often and basically we just decided that we had been friends for so long but we both thought that there could be a little something more to our relationship so we started to seriously date each other in Oct. '05. And now here we are about 6 months later and we are engaged :-) I would give you all the juicy details of the proposal and all, but there actually hasn't been a proposal with a ring yet. But he has talked with my parents and asked for the blessing to marry me. We have never been known to do things the traditional or easy way...so I am okay with being engaged without a ring...besides its the marriage that counts, not the ring :-) (Although a little bling bling never hurt a girl :-)

So, as you may have already guessed...we are the same age (although he likes to tell people he is going to marry an older women because I am like 28 days older than him) and we live pretty close to each other. Jacob works for UPS and will hopefully become a full time driver in 2 weeks (please pray that it happens...we have been waiting for this for a couple of months now!). Jacob and I both attend the same church. He didn't grow up in a Christian home, so we do have some obstacles to work through, but I am at peace with this relationship and I know that this is the man that I am supposed to marry. His relationship with Christ is young...but he has grown a ton since we started to date and he desires to be the Christian man/husband/father that God has called him to be.

We are getting married on Sep 9, 2006, although we don't know where or when :-) But I do have a dress!!!!! I would post the pics of the dress on my blog...but to be honest, I don't know if Jacob ever visits this site and I don't want him to see the dress :-) Well...I think that is all that I have to say for now! Please feel free to post comments or questions about him/me/us :-) I will try to keep everyone updated as much as possible :-)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Adventure to the ER**

Okay, so imagine this...it is 3:30am on Monday and you are dead asleep when all of a sudden you have an urge to go to the bathroom. So you pry your eyes open and all of a sudden you are in excruciating pain! Its your eye (the left one to be specific) and it hurts like the dickens everytime you try to open it and dont' even think about turning on a light because everytime light hits your eye the pain is just intesified. It feels like there is something in your eye poking it and scracthing it and no matter how hard you try, you can't get it OUT! Your eye starts to water (and we are talking like a major river) and it starts to swell and get red and you don't know what to do. You start to cry because the pain is close to almost unbearable and you decided...lets go wake up my sister (the one who is the CMA) and she decides to turn on a light (so she can see what is in there) and she prys the eye open (the little twerp (I love you Katy)) and then drowns your eye with saline solution. After giving you a bath in saline solution she decides that there isn't anything in your eye, but the pain is still there and it hasn't gotten better and the light has now given you a terrible headache.
So, after much discussion you wake up one of your parental units and your dad decides you need to go to the ER. So, you have to find your clothes and dress with your eyes closed and hope that you didn't put on your pants inside out and that you put on matching flip-flops. Then you have to try walking down the stairs with your eyes closed (because remember you can't open your eyes due to the pain in the left one) and then hope that your dad doesn't pull a mean trick on you and forget to tell you about the stair leading down the driveway to the car (I didn't think you would really do that dad!).
You get to the ER and the nurse (who happens to be a not very nice guy) puts his finger on your eye RIGHT where it hurts as he tries to pry open the eye to put some numbing drops in there. When you politley (or maybe not so politley) explain to him that his finger is causing you additional pain and would he please kindly remove his finger...he snaps at you and makes you cry (the silent kind of crying). Next the nice register lady comes in and wants to get your insurance information and this is where you have to tell her you don't have any insurance and that you will have to pay for this visit out of pocket (that is a different kind of pain altogether!). Then she says...okay will you please sign on the line here. And you are thinking "Hello lady can't you see that I can't OPEN my freaking eyes, how do you expect me to read and sign the paperwork?!?!?!" and so you say this (but in a nicer way) and she says that you have to sign anyway...so you do your best to sign your name and hope that it looks something like your signature.
Then, the nice register lady and your dad lead you to a special room for eye problems and you are left in the dark (literally) waiting for the doctor to come in. You wait and you wait (for about 45 minutes...yes I know, that is actually a short wait for the ER) and the doctor comes in and while he tries to be nice (he has great bedside manner) he makes you do all sorts of things that torture you and your eye. He pries it open (kinda like the nurse did) and then he shines all sorts of lights into it (like that is walk in the park...IT HURTS!!!!!) and then he gets out this little instrument of torture and starts to poke your eye in order to check the pressure of your eye! Meanwhile they have given you nothing for the pain in your eye or for the huge headache that you have gotten because of it. The doctor then leaves the room stumped for what the problem could be and he goes and calls an eye specialist. The specialist says "why don't you come to my office in the morning and I can check you out then" so you have no choice but to leave the ER with your eye still in pain and you can't open them and hope that come 9am the doctor can figure out what is wrong with you! But you are thankful that they finally gave you vicodine for the pain and now you are a bit more comfortable.
So you go home and you wait (by this time it is 6:15a) for your doctors appointment. You have to wake up your mom and kindly bribe her with Starbucks if she will take you to the appointment (but you do know that she would have taken you anyway). Come 8am you leave for the appointment. After battling traffice and figuring out where this place is, you get there. The lady at the front desk asks you to fill out some paperwork and again you want to say "HELLO, can you not see that I have a seeing problem!!!!!!), but your Mom just says "bring it here honey, I will fill it out for you" (ahh, don't you love Moms!!!). So after filling out the paperwork you are taken to one of the rooms and the doctor comes in. After telling the whole story about what has happened the doctor decides to torture somemore with the same instruments of torture that the ER used, but you bear the pain because by this time the vicodine has really kicked in you and are feeling good. After a few minutes of torture the doctor asks if you have had any eye trauma before and you have to explain to the doctor that about 7 years ago you had Bell's Palsy that paralyzed the left side of your face (therefor making it so you couldn't blink your eye) and the doctor concludes that that would qualify as an "eye trauma" and proceeds to tell you that due to that trauma you have a condintion where when you are sleeping your eye dries out (not necessarily unusual) but in your case your eye dries out and sticks to the top of your eyelid and then when you open your eye it RIPS the top layer (the superfical layer) of your eye OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and by the way the doctor says, you can't really do anything about it and it will probably occur again. The only thing you can really do is put this nasty ointment on it at night and hope that it doesn't happen again. But if it does, you need to see a doctor because your eye might get infected.
So you leave the specialists office (and you had to pay for that out of pocket too) and go home wearing your sunglasses (because you can now open your eyes (just barely) but any amount of light the your eye sees just kills it) and you put the nasty eye ointment stuff in your eye and hope that it helps. Your Mom is nice enough to buy you Starbucks and you are somewhat a happy girl because the painkillers are making life happy for you. You have called into work today because you can't work, but you aren't really sick so your boyfriend comes over and takes you to lunch and is nice to you and you end up going to be that night at 7pm. And that is your adventure to the ER.

**This story is based on actual events. Names have been changed to protect those involved.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I don't get it...Can someone explain it for me please?

Okay, okay, okay, I know I am going to sound like an idiot, but I just don't get the Superbowl, can someone explain it to me? And it isn't even just the Superbowl, I don't get it how people can be so obsessed with one team or sport that they know all the statistics and they know who won what championship when and by how many points and so on and so on and so forth. And this is coming from a girl who is currently dating someone who is like this and lives with a family who is like this. And my weekend was filled with not just one day of this kind of "fan obsession" (as I like to call it) but two days of it! My family and friends ordered the Liddel VS Couture UFC fight on PPV and we watched it, and again, I just didn't get it.
And when I say I don't get it, it isn't that I don't get the rules of the game or what not because I do. What I don't understand is how people can get so excited or disappointed by a team winning or loosing. I understand how people can sit there and yell at the TV at the refs or the players when they can't even hear them.
What makes people like this? What is it that draws people to a sport or a movie or an actor or musician/band, that makes them so obsessed with that particular thing? You see, I am not like that. I don't have a favorite movie, actor, song, singer, sports team. I have never been a person who followed on particular thing. If a movie is good...its good, no big deal. If an actor is hot..they are hot, no big deal. If a song/singer/band is amazing...they are amazing, no big deal. And if a sports team is good...they are good, no big deal.
Now don't think that I don't understand all the training and hard work that goes into making these people good at what they do. I do understand that and I will be the first person to give them props for everything they have done to get where they are today. I just don't understand the obsessions people have with them.

Anyway...if you are someone like this, maybe you can help me to understand you better. Or maybe I am just not meant to understand this and just learn to accept it...which I do to some extent.